Kamala Harris’ Questions for Veep Candidates Revealed

We all know about the smart and stupid decisions politicians have made over the decades. The two best choices were JFK choosing LBJ to help win Texas in 1960, and Abe Lincoln deciding to wear a stovepipe hat to the Gettysburg address instead of a hoodie.

And history is littered with bad choices politicians have made: John Edwards celebrates “Free Condom Wednesday,” Dan Quayle doesn’t use spellcheck, Lincoln decides to accept those free theater tickets.

So the challenges could not be higher for Vice President Kamala Harris, and she has made it clear that she is looking for someone she has chemistry with, someone she likes and who loves her. Bottom line: she has to quickly find the perfect partner among three strangers.

Are you sure there will be real chemistry? The only way is by using the same technique that has led to 17 successful marriages in the past 10 years—speed dating.

When it comes to love and romance, speed dating experts only recommend a question or two—and as we all know, the cable and internet experts haven’t missed a beat for years. tens. They are the ones who confirmed that Hillary will win, that King Charles will forgive Harry and Meghan, and that Donald Trump was the most perfect and stable person. However, given the seriousness of selecting a veep candidate, any veep group with a grain of salt can come up with five important questions. And we at the Daily Beast were able to find FIVE REAL QUESTIONS that Harris asked the three finalists.

QUESTION 1

Do you support the federal reserve cutting interest rates quarterly if the unemployment rate hits 5?

Asking this question is clearly absurd, the ticket needs to be linked to the economic policy.

QUESTION 2

Have you ever had sex with a sofa?

It’s not a tricky question, although there were those on MSNBC who expressed concern that a wrong answer could alienate the all-important 35 to 55-year-old, white male voting age group.

(EDITOR’S NOTE: We at the Daily Beast have never taken a legal position for or against those who have had sex on the couch, as long as it was consensual and the bed was over 18.)

QUESTION 3

True or False: The Axis of Evil is Iran, North Korea and childless cat ladies.

Note the important intersection here of foreign policy and pet selection.

QUESTION 4

Are you surprised?

That’s a tough question because there are so many different scenarios. There’s an incredible “goodness” that describes a high school computer class kid who never had a day and ended up starting a billion-dollar Silicon Valley startup. and now all the women who rejected him are looking at their idle husbands sitting there. Their boxer briefs are watching the Olympics and crying countries that end in the word “stan” and thinking to themselves, “can an all-female jury judge me?” And then there’s another kind of weirdness and we all know it when we see it.

QUESTION 5

Which had more of an impact, the collapse of the Soviet Union or the collapse of Hall and Oates?

So while the world waits, Harris’ team makes its final decision. Fortunately, this speed dating process ensures that the right choice of vice president will be made. And once the wisdom of these five questions on the poll becomes apparent, we at the Daily Beast hope that the thousands of you heading to the Empire Room at the Holiday Inn tonight for another fruitless night of speed dating and I will use them to guide you. look for someone special instead of asking, “What brings you here?” and “Do you like my Backstreet Boys face tattoo?”

Jon Macks is a comedian, speechwriter and award show host who continues his career as a political consultant/debate consultant for Democratic candidates for the United States Senate, Governor and President . He is a 10-time Emmy nominee and two-time Writers Award winner who writes for many entertainers and comedians, including Chris Rock, Steve Martin, Martin Short, Jay Leno and Billy Crystal. He is the executive producer of James Carville’s upcoming documentary and is a consultant to several senior executives on using humor in their presentations.

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